Kesarah
by trekfreak2008
Summary: Even the most routine missions can go wrong, and on a deceptively peaceful planet, the results are disastrous.AU
1. prologue

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own anything in this story, and definitely never could._

_**Summary:**__ Even the most routine missions can go wrong, and on a deceptively peaceful planet, the results are disastrous. _

_**Author's note:**__ This is an Alternate Universe… just thought I'd warn you now._

oOo

_Death can never tear us apart_

_Our souls are forever entwined_

_And within my heart I know now_

_That with you, of death I won't be afraid_

_As long as you're by my side_

Two shadows battled in front of her locked in mortal combat. She clasped a hand to her wound and attempted to sit up, her body on fire. She fell back weakly and coughed; her hand slipping and allowing jets of blood to escape from her fingers.

Howling pierced the air as more and more shadows arrived, replacing two that were dragging someone away. The prisoner screeched hungrily and lunged at her. He mind screamed at her to run but she did not have the strength.

She closed her eyes in anticipation of an attack that never came.

The shadows were still there but the prisoner had finally been dragged away. In the back of her mind she had a vague notion that something had happened, and that she knew those who had been fighting. Yet she could not remember. Blurred faces and distorted names lurked in the back of her memory, taunting her with forgotten knowledge. She could not even remember her own name.

Moving stone pillars with faces loomed over her, staring shamelessly. She flinched, not remembering where they had come from. One of them moved and she abruptly remembered the shadows. The stone pillars immediately became more humanoid in shape. Musical statues.

Her blood deprived mind urged her to laugh giddily, but the only sound that emerged was a barely audible wheezing. She felt a stab of pain and closed her eyes, her humor vanishing as suddenly as it had come.

For the first time she was aware of a hand that clasped material over her wounds, and turned to face the person that belonged to the arm. Sunlight behind her head obscured her vision. More shadow.

Light formed a haloed ark around the head of the shadowed face and she could not help but think of angels, although she had never believed in them while she had been alive. She frowned; she wasn't yet dead. She looked for the wings and found none.

Shadowy words accompanied the mysterious face, a murmuring that trickled like treacle into her ears. She did not understand what was being said and opened her mouth to say so, but in her confusion her mind found the forgotten names instead. The shadow angel gestured and one pillar disappeared brusquely, leaving a gap in the crowd.

She stretched out a hand to reach for the bundle, remembering the battle that had raged on that very spot. Her hand met thin air and she let it fall weakly to the ground. Death lay just out of her grasp.

A man wept forlornly next to the bundle, his misery surrounding the very air around him like a cloak.

She coughed and the world dimmed. Life lay just out of her sight.

She murmured again and someone hushed her, urging her to save her strength. What strength? It now took a monumental effort to turn her own head.

Inside her mind she joked that it must be getting too big. There was another wheezing half laugh.

Her body was beginning to go numb and she felt herself beginning to float. She was rocking; although the world stayed still. She felt like she was in a rowing boat. _Don't rock the boat_, her mind whispered softly, _or you'll fall into the darkness._ She stayed still. She had no choice.

Unaware of her actions she spoke again. Her angel placed a cold hand into her freezing one. She frowned. What had happened to the warmth?

"They're coming." She did not know who spoke. She only knew that it wasn't her.

There was a small tug as the edge of her consciousness sank into a deep abyss of darkness. How long had she been lying here?

New voices joined her dream like state and the stone parted like waves to allow someone to walk through. Someone she knew.

With a start she realized that she was having a conversation. What was she saying?

"It wasn't your fault." A voice rasped painfully and she realized with shock that it was her own.

The marriage bond in her mind strengthened and she heard a mind voice calling her name desperately. She clung to it and turned her head to watch as her husband ran closer and dropped onto his knees beside her. The voice continued to whisper in her mind sorrowfully even as she spoke out loud.

Her husband would not look at the teenager next to him, who bowed his head in shame. She made them promise to carry on without her. They needed each other.

Reticently, they promised.

Her head floated upwards, followed by her body.

From above she watched with detachment as her son was dragged away from her side and her husband turned his back on him.

Was the promise broken or put on hold?

Her mind drifted free of her husband's, to float in aimless loneliness.

She was alone.

oOo


	2. Chapter 2

_Well life seemed so perfect, _

_I held you close to my heart_

_But with one selfish move_

_My world was ripped apart._

"My wife, attend." Obediently, Amanda placed her fingers to Sarek's in the typically Vulcan show of affection and fell into place at her husband's side, with Spock on her other.

The family had just arrived on a newly discovered planet by the name of Kesarah, and were participating in negotiations to persuade them to become a member of the Federation. Normally, Amanda and Spock would be left at home but Amanda had argued the point, for the logical reason that if Spock were to eventually become an Ambassador he needed to get some experience. Of course that was not the real reason; Amanda just wanted to see the planet, which was rumored to be one of the most beautiful and hospitable in this area of the galaxy.

Kesarah was remarkably diverse in nature with mountains, valleys, deserts and oceans. Much like Earth in fact, but with an increased sense of spectacular design.

The deserts had mile upon mile of sand dunes that could have been the size of the biggest skyscraper, with the occasional oasis dotted around the area. Lizard like birds flew in the sky searching for food while cacti slowly but surely crept towards nearby sources of water. The pyramids were much more extravagant and modern than those of ancient Egypt; resembling works of art rather than tombs. The most beautiful had the native equivalent of jewels forming patterns over the surface, as jewels were abundant here and the planet was subsequently a rich one.

The mountains reached high into the heavens and the snow at the top sat lightly like sugar coating. It was soft, beautiful and utterly peaceful. No out-worlder had yet been on hikes up the mountains, but the native rumors suggested hidden areas where great treasures could be found, be it metaphorical, spiritual or physical.

The valleys consisted of great rolling hills where the main city was situated. The houses and public buildings were spectacular and nature friendly; blending in perfectly with the countryside. Even the cavernous areas of the planet were picturesque, the tunnels allowing many inhabitants to thrive and live in peace, their soft red lanterns giving an eerily peaceful interior to the natural formations. Many natives had captured the planet's equivalent of bats and tamed them, so that they were used as either domesticated birds of prey or messengers.

The natives themselves were also diverse. Initially they were humanoid in appearance, but the cave dwellers were almost translucently pale, only venturing outside at night or on cloudy days.

Those in the valley were deeply tanned and moved about the land in freedom.

Those who lived by the sea had developed webbed hands and feet, with slightly scaly skin. Although they possessed lungs, they could remain underwater for up to twenty minutes at a time, making it easier to hunt.

Those who lived in the mountainous areas had light fur all over their bodies, hands and feet and were specially adapted to climbing as well as keeping out the cold.

Each group respected the other's privacy and for one thousand years there had not been a single trace of war. Everyone was equal and every group had a representative in the local government. The peace and contented pace of the planet was extremely seductive, and the initial landing party who had made the discovery had been reported to have resisted leaving the paradise that existed here. There was something for everybody, which was exactly why Amanda felt compelled to visit.

"Ah, mister Ambassador!" One of the valley dwellers had spotted the family and was now bowing low, which was the native custom when meeting honoured guests. The Universal Translator had already been modified to include the soft lilting language of Kesarah.

Sarek bowed his head slightly and raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Greetings, Ambassador."

The fellow politician beamed radiantly, his teeth pearly white and perfect. "My name is Dakino. I am here to guide you and your family to your private cottage."

"That's very kind of you Ambassador," Amanda replied, surprised that the Ambassador himself had volunteered for such a simple and every day task.

Dakino bowed once again and insisted upon taking both Amanda's and Spock's cases despite their combined bulk. When Amanda protested, he waved it off before lifting them both as though they weighed nothing at all.

The family was then led through the calm village near the public shuttle bay. Amanda's face was alight with keen interest as she watched the natives go about their daily business. There was a market where a whole range of exotic fruit was on display; one of which being a long orange banana shaped fruit with a slight bulge at the end where the seeds were stored. Turning to her husband, she saw that his eyes were also filled with curiosity as they took in everything the village had to offer.

The air was pleasantly warm with a soft breeze tickling Amanda's brow as she turned her face to the bright blue sky. Birds flew in the air gracefully and in tight formation, just as on Earth when it neared winter time. Returning her gaze to the land, she saw children throwing a ball while a dog like animal ran between them, barking at their laughter. She smiled, lost briefly in her own childhood memories.

After a few more minutes of walking, they reached their cottage. It looked like any other building that they had seen on the planet so far; just the right size with no space wasted, and yet a welcoming and simply exterior. Once they opened the front door they were greeted with all the technology that they would ever need, which was powered economically according to Dakino.

"I will leave you to get settled in, then." Their guide appeared encouraged by their approval of the cottage. "Once again I welcome you on behalf of Kesarah."

"Thank you," both Sarek and Amanda spoke at the same time, the Vulcan ambassador raising an amused brow in the process. Dakino smiled once more and left.

"I thought you said it's illogical to thank logic," Amanda teased gently.

Sarek swallowed the bait hook, line and sinker. "I am an Ambassador. It is of course logical to humor the natives in accordance with their customs to avoid a misunderstanding."

She grinned at him. "Of course." He extended his hand and their fingers met briefly. "Right, who sleeps where?"

It took a while to unpack, but eventually everyone was settled in. the bedrooms were just as amazing as the rest of the house. They were roomy without wasting space; the wardrobe had drawers and hangers which allowed extra storage, the bathroom facilities were excellent and of course the beds were the highest level of comfort, a refreshing change from the hard mattresses of the shuttle craft.

Amanda had rifled through the cupboards in the trendy kitchen and had found a variety of Vulcan and Human foods which had already been packed away and were ready for use. She had enthusiastically set to making a meal consisting of a variety of spicy vegetarian foods, enjoying the smell as it cooked and looking forward to tasting food which was not replicated. Finally it was ready and she dished out the food, whilst calling for Sarek and Spock.

As was tradition on Vulcan the meal was eaten in silence, the only sound the foreign birdsong that drifted through the slightly open window. When the meal was finished every occupant at the table stood to clean away their plates, which sank into a compartment inside the table before they could touch them. Eyebrows raised, Sarek strode over to the cupboard and opened the door just in time to see the now clean plates take their places where they had been before the meal.

"Interesting."

"Looks like they're more advanced than we thought," Amanda remarked, her eyes searching the room as though looking for any more secrets.

"It does contradict the outward appearance of the cottage," Spock chipped in. it always surprised Amanda how like his father the sixteen year old sounded.

"Indeed."

A mischievous glint appeared in Amanda's eyes as an old phrase her mother had taught her resurfaced. "You know what they say; never judge a book by its cover."

Four eyebrows rose. Sarek, being more fluently versed in Earth terminology, seemed to understand while Spock looked totally bamboozled. "Mother, it would be extremely difficult to do so as the cover does not necessarily reveal the information that is inside the book. A conclusion cannot be accurately deduced from insufficient information."

Amanda smiled and resisted the urge to laugh. "Exactly."

Sarek finally took pity on his son and stepped in to explain. "I believe that the phrase means that it is unwise to conclude something without complete facts. The conclusion would be flawed and incomplete."

"That's more or less right," Amanda confirmed, her smile growing wider.

Spock's eyebrows remained elevated. "I do not understand the need for metaphor; it unnecessarily complicates an otherwise simple message."

"You sound more and more like your father with every passing day."

"That is to be expected. I am a Vulcan." Spock walked out of the room when Amanda began smiling to herself, apparently deciding that he wanted to do something slightly less confusing emotionally.

"I love this planet," she finally managed to say as she calmed down and gazed out the window at the beauty which surrounded them like a blanket.

"With good reason," Sarek replied, gazing at the sunset over the hills.

The blue sky was beginning to give way to a varied range of reds and oranges as the sun sank slowly over the horizon. As she watched, Amanda was reminded of how watercolor paints quickly mixed and blurred into each other. It was almost like watching a gigantic work of art unfurling before her very eyes. It was picture perfect.

"All those colours…" she murmured more to herself than to her silent companion.

"It is not unlike the sunsets on planet Earth." Sarek spoke quietly, as though normal volume would shatter the fragile scene before them.

"No, this is better."

Two moons, one twice the size of the other, peeped slowly over the bumpy ridge separating land from sky as they replaced the dying sun. They were cratered in a way that made them strangely beautiful, and they cast off a blue light that was reflected over everything else. The wildlife that had been teeming throughout the day had settled down, with the occasional call of a bird or howl of a wolf signaling the switch to nocturnal life.

Something swooped in front of the smaller moon, momentarily blocking it from sight before landing in a tree and allowing the soft blue glow to continue quietly. A cool breeze crept through the window and ruffled her hair and then caressed her cheek. Sarek shivered slightly and she wordlessly closed the window, trapping the light and the warmth in.


	3. Chapter 3

_You were all that was special to me_

_But after the mistakes I made_

_Our love could never be_

The next morning arrived with fluffy white clouds spotted all over the bright blue sky, and the heat of the sun warmed the planet below. Determined to enjoy the tropical climate during their stay, she had persuaded Spock to explore the local area with her while Sarek helped negotiate with the Kesarahn officials.

The first place that they visited was the market that Amanda had seen the day before. There were crowds of people milling around stalls and moving down the street, some of them talking animatedly in groups and some battling through the mass of people alone. While the noise level was high, it was not painful to Amanda's ears due to the soft sounding nature of the local language. She took a deep breath and plunged into the living mass of people.

She instantly found herself being jostled from side to side, but somehow she soon learned how to weave in and out of the people and avoid being walked into.

"This system would function better over a wider area," she heard Spock say suddenly.

"Perhaps," she agreed.

"Then why is it not altered to accommodate the large numbers of people?"

She thought for a moment and found that she couldn't really answer because she knew that Spock happened to be right. The market could easily be made larger as there was a lot of free space around it. "I don't know. Maybe they like it this way."

"Highly illogical."

"You can't deny that it gives it character."

The crowd of people in front of them parted suddenly, and she found herself staring at what appeared to be a fruit stall. She surveyed the merchandise and picked out a juicy looking round fruit that was covered in small red spikes.

"What is this?"

"That is a Catamao, a delicacy on our planet," the shopkeeper replied, looking proud to be in possession of the fruit.

"What does it taste like?"

"It is difficult to describe, but there is a variety of exotic taste and a great deal of juice."

"How much is it?" She was already fishing around in her purse for some money.

The shop keeper considered and then stated his price. "I must warn you to remove the spikes before you eat it." He handed over what seemed to be a peeler. "While they are not sharp, they are poisonous and even eating one by accident could lead to death if it is not treated."

"Fascinating," Spock surveyed the fruit with keen scientific interest.

Amanda handed over enough money to buy two and watched as the vender placed them carefully in a bag. "Thank you."

"The pleasure was mine," he replied courteously and turned to his next customer. The sound of his voice was soon swallowed by the noise of the crowd as they walked away.

The next stall showed a wide variety of gemstones spread out across a table. Amanda stopped and wandered over, immediately interested in the precious stones which glinted in the sun.

"What type of gem do you seek?" Asked a mystical and soft voice from behind the table.

"I don't know; I've never seen so many before."

The woman lifted up a sparkling green diamond shaped gem. "This one is fabled to bring good luck to the wearer. There have been recent reports of unexplained luck to those who wear it as a ring. It is very popular among the sea-dwellers."

"It is illogical that a gem should bring good fortune." The woman did not appear to hear this comment, and Amanda gave her son an annoyed look. She didn't want him insulting the locals during a diplomatic mission, albeit unintentionally.

The woman replaced the gem and picked up a red one that sparkled in the light. "This is a protection stone, used to scare away vampires and avoid attacks. The carrier of the stone lifts it into the air and its natural glow is strong enough to scare away any attacking vampire."

"Fascinating. I believe that this may work if vampires exist."

Amanda remained skeptical of the stone, but another one caught her eye. "What is this?" she asked, holding up a clear gem that seemed to disappear in the light.

"That is a sabotage stone. Giving it to an enemy or placing it on their person curses them."

Amanda put it back and spoke again before her son could denounce its authenticity. She picked up an intricately designed bracelet.

"That is a love bracelet. Two people wear one each as symbolic reference to their love for one another. It shows that they are connected."

"Similar to wedding rings on Earth," Spock commented.

Amanda placed the bracelets on the stall and thanked the woman. They moved on to the next table which appeared to sell books, and Amanda noticed that not as many locals appeared interested in it compared to the other merchandise.

The books varied from the local literature to a complete edition on local wildlife of the planet. Spock purchased the wildlife book and another equally thick book detailing the local customs.

A book with a spirally cover met Amanda's eye, but the title was in the local language. "I see you noticed the autobiography of Cleetau, our last leader." The owner announced after handing a brown bag to another customer. "He was a tyrant, but all the books are printed to show him as a well loved figure head. I haven't sold that copy in twenty years; no-one wants to hear the truth."

Amanda glanced at it speculatively, her fingers running up and down the spine of the book. She smiled at the man. "I'll take it."

She collected her bags from the floor and they detoured to the cottage to drop off their purchases. Turning round, Amanda caught Spock staring out the window at the valley.

"Don't worry; we have time to explore before lunch time."

A few minutes later and they were making their way to the first of the rolling hills. Amanda stared up at the top. "This is going to be a challenge."

Spock appeared to briefly calculate the distance. "That is a logical assumption."

While climbing up the steep hill was exhausting, it was rewarding once they reached the top and could see for miles in every direction. The sea glittered on the horizon like it was filled with a million brilliantly twinkling lights. Redirecting her gaze inland, she could just see the dark and eerie caves which could be reached in a few hours hike. Suddenly, she felt like an explorer, and was reminded of her child hood days spent looking for treasure and pirates with her brother in caves.

On an impulse she turned to her son, who was surveying the sea with a curious expression on his face. "Do you want to explore the caves?"

Spock turned and followed Amanda's pointing finger. "It would prove interesting."

Together they began the long walk to the caves, stopping only to examine the strange wildlife and to comment on it. Finally they reached the cave entrance and peered inside cautiously. There was no one around at all or any sign of life in this cave, so they walked in.

During their explorations they got separated as Spock went one way, drawn to a distant sound and compelled to investigate, while Amanda gazed at the different entrances that were now visible as she walked further inside. Lanterns lined the ceiling and lit the caves, but the light was dim and red so that she had to concentrate to see formations that she could normally see in full daylight.

Walking further in, she noticed a pale woman lying on her bed in her room, snoring softly. Suddenly it occurred to her that the reason the lighting was so bad was due to the fact that everyone was asleep. Feeling as though she was unwelcome, she turned and made her way back to the main entrance, fully expecting her son to be there. When she caught no sight of him she searched outside under the assumption that he had also discovered a sleeping cave dweller and retreated, out of respect of privacy. However, he was not to be found outside either.

Worried now, she re-entered the cave where she came face to face with the woman she had seen earlier. The woman watched her with curious eyes, standing upright and casual rather than bowing as the valley dwellers did.

"Sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean to wake you; I was just looking for my son."

"Your son?" The woman's voice was high and soft, her language differing slightly to the one that Dakino had used.

"Yes, have you seen him?" She briefly described him to the woman.

The cave dweller considered for a moment and then shook her head gracefully. "I haven't seen him." A breeze entered the cave, blowing past Amanda and to the woman, who stiffened slightly.

"Oh. Thank you for your help." She turned to leave, intending to search for him at the cottage, although even as she did do she knew that Spock would never leave without telling her first.

"Wait. I'll help you search the caves."

Amanda nodded gratefully. "Thank you. I appreciate this."

The woman nodded shyly, at a loss for words but she smiled in reply to Amanda's thanks. Together they searched further into the caves, treading lightly to avoid waking the others. It was beginning to look unlikely that Spock was here at all, and Amanda regretted wasting the woman's time. Surely enough, he was nowhere to be found.

Perplexed and worried, Amanda could only stare dumbfounded at the empty space that had been her last hope. "I was sure he'd be here."

The woman seemed to battle with herself for a while, a multitude of different emotions playing across her features. Finally she spoke. "There is one more place we can search."

"Lead the way!" Amanda was beginning to feel hopeful once again. Spock would be there, she just knew it. It was always the last place you looked.

The woman shook her head. "You must stay here."

"I need to find my son." Something in her expression made her feel uneasy.

"You cannot come. It's too dangerous."

The anxiety gave way to full fledged worry and the one small flower of hope wilted under the oppressive darkness. "Why is it so dangerous?"

The woman bit her lip, her eyes nervous. "I cannot say."

"My son could be in there! As his mother I need to know."

"I have said too much already. I must go and get help, you must remain here." She disappeared down the make shift corridor.

For a moment, Amanda considered following her, but it was too late; she was gone. She paced in frustration, allowing her anger and worry to propel her around the room. She should have realized that the beauty and calmness of Kesarah was just a façade. All planets had their secrets, and she dreaded to imagine what secrets this one contained.

There was a sound of sudden commotion and her self control shattered like glass. Imagining the worst she ran towards the sound, only to be stopped by the woman she had talked to earlier.

"You were told to stay where you were." Despite her harsh words, the voice was anxious and urgent rather than angry. This just made the whole situation worse.

"This is my son we're talking about! I need to know what's happening!" Amanda struggled to break free of the vice like grip, but failed.

Sounds of anger and breaking objects were coming from a trapdoor on the cave floor, and something snarled hungrily. Someone shouted in a foreign language, but over the hubbub the translator could not identify the meaning. Amanda had the impression that they were trying to calm down a riot. Her worry increased tenfold.

"Spock!" She shouted, in the vain hope that he could hear her and come walking towards her unscathed. "Let me go," she hissed at the woman.

She looked generally remorseful, "I can't."

"My son-"

"They're doing everything they can."

As if to prove the woman's words to be true, the sounds of commotion stopped only to be replaced with an ominous silence. The steely grip on her loosened and she jerked free, making her way swiftly to the trapdoor.

She looked inside and gasped. The living quarters in the room were completely trashed; several chairs were laying broken, glass and pottery had been smashed, and a cave dweller was lying unconscious in the far corner. In the centre of the room a huddle had formed around something or someone, and her stomach formed a panicked knot.

"No…" she gasped, instinctively knowing that it was her son who occupied the attention of all those people. She moved to enter the room, but one of the men turned around suddenly.

"Stay where you are." The voice was commanding and abrupt. Very reluctantly, she stayed put.

A few minutes later the crowd cleared and one man lifted the body of the teenage Vulcan into his arms and began walking towards the trapdoor. Unable to speak for the shock, she quickly moved out of the way, watching in horror as the man and her son appeared.

"We need to get him to the hospital. He is not in any immediate danger but he requires observation," he explained to Amanda.

"Are you a doctor?"

"No, but there have been many similar cases, and I know how to handle them."

A young woman appeared on the scene, looking as though she had been walking swiftly through the corridors. "The ambulance is here." Among the commotion, its siren had not been heard.

For the first time, Amanda forced herself to look at Spock, who lay limply in the man's arms, his mouth slightly open. He was chalky white and his chest barely moved as he breathed. There were two livid green puncture wounds in his neck, each one a perfectly round hole. Despite the man's assurances, she could not force away the worry which consumed her.

The eyes of everyone around her were solemn. She turned and searched their faces, hoping that this was not really happening.

Wordlessly, she moved towards Spock and touched his forehead tenderly, dismayed when he did not stir. The man holding him began to walk towards the main entrance of the cave, where the ambulance lay nearby. The medics looked nervous this close to the caves, but their duty prevented them from turning away.

She held Spock's hand tightly throughout the smooth ride to the hospital, while the medics sat nearby, unable to help.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disaster closes in, there's nothing I can do_

_I watch and I cry as everything shatters_

_Flies apart, rips and tears in two_

The doctors had given Spock a full check up and Amanda now sat by his bedside, watching the steady beeping of his heart on the monitor, and waited for the news. She heard footsteps and glanced upwards, slightly surprised to see Sarek as he sat beside her.

"The negotiations have been rescheduled. The delegates were most understanding of our situation." Amanda nodded in reply, having no comment. "When did this occur?"

"We were in the caves and Spock must have seen a trapdoor and opened it. They found him collapsed inside a room, being attacked by a cave dweller."

"I see," Sarek paused and then moved his gaze to his wife. "What caused the attack?"

Amanda swallowed thickly, reliving the moments when she had thought her son to be dead as she watched helplessly from above. "I'm not sure. No one really explained, but I have a theory."

"What is it?"

"It doesn't make any sense," Amanda dismissed.

"Amanda, your theory may yet be correct."

"No, it can't be," Amanda insisted. "It's just something that I thought of at the time of the accident, that's all."

Sarek was about to question Amanda further when the Doctor arrived with an old fashioned clipboard. "I'm afraid I have some bad news." He paused, as if regretting what he was about to say. "Your son was attacked by a non reformed cave-dweller. He'll begin the transformation shortly."

Amanda gasped, her suspicions more or less concerned despite the Doctor's vague diagnosis.

"I do not understand," Sarek stated. "What is meant by a 'non reformed cave-dweller'?" This information had not been in the report about Kesarah.

The Doctor swallowed awkwardly. "Cave dwellers are what we call 'blood drinkers'. That is, they drink the blood of other living creatures, but most have resolved to feed only on animal blood. Those that refuse to do so are kept underground by force to stop them from attacking villagers. Your son was attacked by a man who resisted the reforms."

"What occurs during the transformation?"

"The victim will slowly become a drinker of blood. The process is excruciatingly painful and sedatives usually fail to work. After the transformation, he will suffer from violent urges to drink blood, and he will be restrained and moved to the caves. He will receive help there." He paused and a shadow passed over his face. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing you can do?" Sarek asked quietly.

"Nothing. There's no way to reverse the process. He's lucky to even be alive, if he had lost any more blood…" He trailed off, unwilling to upset Amanda even more as she was already on the verge of tears.

Spock groaned in his sleep and his eyes flicked open, but they were glassy and unseeing as they darted from side to side. He gasped for breath and the beeping of the heart monitor increased dramatically until it showed his racing pulse. It looked as though the red pulsing dot on the screen wanted to break free of the machine. The doctor moved about the bed and began placing his patient in restraints.

"The transformation has begun. It will last for a few hours, maybe more or less given his different physiology."

Amanda gripped Spock's jerking hand tightly with both of her own, and murmured soothing words in Vulcan. She stroked the back of his hand as she did so, hoping to convey at least some measure of calm telepathically.

She gasped as her efforts backfired.

_She yelled in alarm as she felt herself tumbling into what appeared to be a dark and slightly damp pit. With a soft thump she landed on the earthy floor and stood up almost immediately, relieved that no bones were broken. If she had been human, she would be suffering from at least a broken leg. _

_There was a shuffling that originated from the corner of the room, although it was hard to be certain with the speed that it moved. Harsh breathing penetrated the silence and made her hairs stand up on end._

_A hungry hiss sounded near her ears and she reeled, almost colliding with stairs as she did so. The sound backed away again but she did not relax, knowing that the creature was testing her defenses before the final attack. _

_Knowing that she would be unable to reason with it, she raised her arms in a defensive posture that she had been taught by her tutor. _

_There was a breathy chuckle as the creature considered her briefly, before fast footsteps came closer. Trying no to give way to her terror, her eyes raked the darkness for any sign of her assailant, but she could not see beyond the inky black depths of the pit. _

_There was a sudden jab in her throat and she tried to push the attacker off of her neck in vain. With a superhuman strength she was pinned to the floor while her life blood was slurped approvingly from the pulsing vein in her neck. _

_Pain exploded in her body as the creature's venom began to take effect, and she began to lose all control of her limbs. Soon it took a monumental effort just to breath. Light flashed before her eyes but she did not register it._

_With one last gasp, she felt herself slipping away slowly. _

_The nightmare began again._

Suddenly everything cleared and she found herself slumped slightly in her chair, her hands empty as Sarek had pried them away from Spock's.

Sarek's brown eyes stared into her own. "Amanda?"

"I'm fine," she lied. She was shaking from the mental contact and the shock at what her son was experiencing.

"You are not," Sarek countered. He knew her too well.

"Alright, I'm not." She knew better than to argue with her Vulcan husband. "But I'm staying here with Spock."

The doctor had been watching the scene with compassion. "We will allow you to stay, but you must not touch him again." He waited for her confirming nod before leaving to check on his other patients.

"He's in agony." She could hardly bear to watch as Spock's head writhed on the pillow.

Sarek considered for a moment before voicing his suggestion. "I may be able to initiate a mind meld."

"Sarek, I don't want you to be hurt as well."

"It is the only method of alleviating his pain." He did not wait for her to answer.

He inched closer to Spock's forehead and placed his fingers on the meld points. Amanda could pinpoint the exact moment that contact was made because her husband stiffened, his face contorting in agony although he made no sound. Spock's head calmed on the pillow and his body lost some of its tenseness as it was transferred to Sarek. For two hours, Sarek maintained contact while their son rested in the brief reprieve.

However, she could see Sarek beginning to tire and she urged him to end the meld. Reluctantly, he eased out of it slowly and sank back in his chair, his eyes closed. Luckily this was a private ward as Amanda had never known Sarek to display weaknesses publicly.

"Sarek?" She didn't dare to touch him in case she overwhelmed his mental shields in his weakened state.

"Let me rest," he whispered in hoarse Vulcan as he drifted slowly into an exhausted sleep.

Amanda was left alone to watch Spock thrashing on the bed as his agony intensified once more. She couldn't help but feel angry that they had not been warned of the dangerous caves before the accident.

She cursed the officials who had been too embarrassed or proud to admit that their planet had a secret problem. It had cost her son his freedom, and he would be forced to live fighting the craving for blood for the rest of his long Vulcan life. Unless the transformation meant that he no longer had the long Vulcan life span, she thought bleakly.

What life opportunities now existed for him? What hopes and dreams had been shattered?

She scuffed the floor with her shoe in her annoyance. She should never have taken him to those caves, or to the planet. He would have been far better off remaining at home with Sybok while the negotiations took place. It seemed that life was determined to be cruel to her son.

Amanda soon lost track of time as she watched her son's endless struggle, feeling her own heart twist painfully at his every agonized movement. After what seemed like an eternity, Sarek stirred and she transferred her gaze to him.

"Sarek?"

He turned to look at her briefly. "I believe that I am capable of initiating another mind meld." His hands were already moving towards the pillow.

Amanda reached forwards and grabbed Sarek's hands, drawing them away from the Vulcan on the bed.

"Amanda, this is necessary."

She shook her head stubbornly. "No it isn't. You're exhausted Sarek, whether you admit to it or not, and it won't help anybody if you become hospitalized as well."

"You would prefer to witness his suffering with the knowledge that it could be eased?"

She sighed. "Believe me, I don't like seeing him in pain, but I mean what I said. Exhausting yourself will not help him."

"There is no other way of reducing his pain," Sarek persisted relentlessly, not yet willing to back down.

She hated herself for her decision, but she knew that it must be made. "I know, but you can't do it again and again."

Sarek sat back once again, allowing Amanda to make the decision for the first time in a while. "Very well." He did not sound happy about it.

They continued to sit in silence and watch helplessly as Spock panted for air in front of them. At times, he muttered under his breath incoherently, anguish plain in every syllable. At one point his eyes flew open and he cried out to them, a vein pulsing ominously in his damaged neck, as though it could burst.

Yet no one came.

There was nothing anyone could do except hope that he would survive the stress of the transformation.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later, Spock's heart stopped and the doctor came running in, scanned him with a medical tricorder and then grimly turned it off. "He is transformed."

Amanda watched in complete shock as the Vulcan's eyes snapped open and he strained at the straps, his eyes fixed on her exposed neck and his teeth bared. He was frenzied and hungry as he writhed and struggled to break free. A nurse came hurrying in with what looked like a container of thick blue blood, and his parents watched as he was distracted from his target and drank the liquid greedily.

Once he had fed, his eyes became more lucid and he stared at the empty container as he realized what had happened. "I… consumed blood…" It was not a question, and the Vulcan looked vaguely sick.

Quietly, the doctor began explaining all that had happened and Amanda watched as Spock's expression turned as horrified as it was possible for a Vulcan to look. Aching inside for her son, she reached forwards to embrace him, completely forgetting the warning not to touch him.

She felt him stiffen immediately as he smelt his mother's blood through her exposed neck and wrists. He licked his lips and she drew away quickly.

"I'm sorry…"

Seeming not to have realized what had just happened; Spock diverted his attention to Sarek. "Will I return to Vulcan?"

Sarek knew that the answer would probably be no as his son would need help to adjust, but perhaps if he had enough determination he would learn in time for the return shuttle. He had witnessed his son's fast learning abilities before. "You will require extreme discipline."

"I am willing to attempt it."

The doctor regarded Spock with interest. "We will have to move you to the caves so that you can learn control. You're doing remarkably well already- much better than expected. I've never seen anything like it."

"He is Vulcan," Sarek replied by way of explanation, seeming to ignore the fact that technically Spock bore no resemblance to his father's race than pointed ears, eyebrows and a logical demeanor. The doctor decided to refrain from reminding Sarek of this.

The doctor moved to untie Spock's restraints, but his patient's voice halted him in his tracks. "Are you certain that this is wise?"

"Well… no, but now that you're awake it will be a lot easier for us if you went to the caves now."

"I do not agree; I have not yet gained the necessary discipline to avoid causing injury to those nearby."

"My son is correct," Sarek intoned.

Looking between both Vulcans, the doctor appeared to reach a decision. "Alright. We can have you surrounded by armed guards who are experienced in this area."

"That is satisfactory."

"You have experts for this and yet who didn't think it was necessary to warn visitors about the caves?" Amanda questioned. She was angry at the Kesarahns' apparent apathy about possible accidents.

"I cannot speak for the government. It's their responsibility to warn strangers, not mine." Amanda reluctantly fought back her anger; this man was only trying to help.

The doctor seemed to understand her attitude, and gave her an unfathomable look before summoning the guards who arrived within minutes. Judging by their quick response, cases like this happened often.

The men were all young and athletic looking, with alert eyes and a wary posture suggesting that they would react in a split second to any threat. It did nothing to calm her nerves.

The doctor released Spock, who sat up instantly and was standing before Amanda could even blink. It seemed that he had gained great speed and agility from the attack. He stood calmly and waited until the guards were in place before heading out of the building.

Many curious stares were directed towards them and their guard escort, but everyone apart from Amanda appeared to be oblivious to this. Spock walked gracefully and at a pace slightly quicker than he had done previously. However, Amanda noted with a heavy heart that he stiffened in the breeze, and raised a hand to protect his eyes from the harsh glare of the sun.

Occasionally one of the guards would tense, as if bracing themselves for an attack; their fingers itching towards the weapons on their belts. The moment would then pass, and the guard would assume a formal stance, no doubt carefully tracking their charge's every movement from the corner of their eyes. It unnerved her to see her own son treated as if he was a huge danger, although he was. He still looked innocent and young, absolutely harmless in fact, but Amanda knew as well as anyone that looks could be deceptive.

When they did eventually reach the caves, a few of the cave dwellers had moved to form a small welcoming committee, and they were far from cheery.

Each person bore their own expression of sympathy or remembered personal pain at the sight of Spock being escorted towards them.

One young female who appeared to be the same age as Spock stepped forwards. She was of normal build and looked extremely friendly and outgoing. Her pale skin was at odds with her ginger hair, and when she smiled she was dazzling.

"Hello, my name is Ettikah." She held out her hand, inexperienced in formal greetings and unaware of the Vulcan avoidance of touch.

To Amanda's surprise, Spock shook it. "I am Spock."

"I'm going to be helping you the most; by teaching you who we are and how we live." She grinned at Spock's obvious awkwardness. Social skills had never been his strong point as he was usually isolated on Vulcan by people who hated his human heritage. "Shall I show you around?"

"That would be agreeable."

"I guess that's a definite yes." Grinning even wider, she turned around and began to lead the way into the caves.

Spock hesitated briefly and turned to his parents. Amanda nodded at him encouragingly. "We'll be back later."

He winced slightly at that but then followed Ettikah inside.

"I hate to leave him here," Amanda murmured as the spectators also filed inside and the guards began the long walk back to the hospital.

"It is necessary," her husband replied.

"I know, but I don't like it all the same." Thoroughly miserable by now, she turned around and began walking back they way they had come. She still could not believe that all of this had happened, and they still had two more months of long negotiations to come.


	5. Chapter 5

_The storm grows less strong_

_Things begin to clear_

_I can see an end in sight_

_But the consequences of my actions _

_Keep me frozen in place, locked in this nightmare_

Spock followed Ettikah around the maze of caves, quickly memorizing the layout. They came upon a huge space under tones of rock where several stalls were set up around the edges, a larger version of the market above ground.

"The market opens at night since we usually sleep during the brighter parts of day."

"You are not asleep now," he observed.

"No," she replied solemnly. "I got up early because of the commotion. Most people will wake within an hour or so, just before sunset."

"I see."

She led him through an archway, and he saw to his great surprise that there was a large body of water, approximately the same size as the previous room.

"An underground spring," he observed aloud, entranced by the sight of so much water in one place.

Ettikah nodded. "We use it for swimming in our spare time. The water's warm, I'm sure you'll like it." She considered him briefly. "You act like you've never seen water before."

"I have never seen such large quantities. I come from a desert planet."

She began to look openly curious, as though she had realized for the first time that he was a visitor. "What is it called?"

"Vulcan."

"Tell me of your home world?" she asked eagerly.

They sat together on the edge of the water with their feet dangling over the edge of the rock they were sitting on. For the next few minutes Spock described to her the world that he had grown up on. He told her of the vast deserts, the red sky and thin atmosphere, as well as the heat. He mentioned how water was scarce and how it was considered sacred on the drier parts of the planet. He left out details of his own life.

For the whole time, she listened attentively, her eyes fixed on his face and occasionally asking questions.

"You don't know how to swim?" Since she had grown up on a planet where water was plentiful, the idea of being unable to swim was unbelievable.

He shook his head. "I have not yet had the opportunity."

Her eyes lit up at some sudden idea. "I can teach you."

The corner of his mouth twitched into a half smile. "That would be… interesting." He could not picture himself swimming, and he half wondered if it would be a complete disaster.

The conversation lapsed into silence while a few more cave dwellers entered and began swimming slowly in the relaxing heat of the water.

"Do you still want to look around?"

In reply Spock stood up and they both put their shoes on after allowing their feet to dry slightly. The caves were becoming busier now and they encountered several pale skinned people, some of whom regarded Spock with open curiosity. One man, old and frail looking, stopped in front of them.

"Hello Ettikah." He had a low voice which was cracked with old age.

"It's good to see you again, Mattiq." She embraced him.

"How are your studies?"

She rolled her eyes at the question which Mattiq always asked. "Same as they were last time you asked, except that we've moved onto the most recent history now."

"Good, good," he replied absently, catching sight of Spock at last.

"Oh, Mattiq, this is Spock. Mattiq is an old friend; he used to teach me before he retired."

Mattiq nodded politely. "Glad to meet you." He examined Spock closely, squinting slightly. "You're new here, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Who was the scum bag that attacked you?"

"It was Batiiw," Ettikah replied.

The old man shook his head. "Some things never change." Someone at the end of the corridor called his name. "Well, I'll see you two later." He joined the other man who was by now gesturing wildly and raising his voice in agitation.

"Well that's the works. I'll show you your room."

They continued down a corridor and passed a trapdoor that had vicious snarling coming from beneath it. Ettikah followed his gaze and explained, "That's Batiiw's new room. It's higher security so that he can't attack anyone else."

"A logical precaution."

She stopped suddenly, and for the first time her expression became serious, her eyes reflecting depths of profound sorrow. "I'm really sorry about what happened, Spock. Believe me, I am." She did not expect an answer, and he was unable to give her one.

Eventually they came to a corridor that was lined with doors, presumably to living quarters. They stopped in front of a door at the end.

"This is where you will stay. My quarters are right next door if you need anything."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, and she smiled radiantly before disappearing into her own room.

Taking a deep breath, he walked into his new living area. There was a main room, furnished with a sofa and chairs, with a kitchen off to one side and all the technology that he would need to be comfortable. Through a door was a small bedroom with a wardrobe, while through another room was a bathroom.

Suddenly weary, he lowered himself onto his bed and looked around, abruptly realizing that he might be here for the rest of his life. Reflexively he looked for a window before remembering that he was still underground. Inside his mind he could see the blood red skies of Vulcan, with his large family home looming over him. Once again he travelled the desert route to school with I-Chaya and Sybok.

Although he had no friends on Vulcan aside from his own close family, it was still home and he found himself longing to return, tortured by the possibility that he might never set foot on the planet again. Allowing himself a very human sigh, he lay on his back and tried not to think of the stars that he couldn't see.

He closed his eyes and waited for reality to fade away, still thinking of Star Fleet Academy and how he could never get there.

"_Sybok?" He was astonished to find himself back on Vulcan. _

"_Yes, little brother. You're just in time for lunch." Sybok opened his mouth and advanced on him, hunger in every movement. _

_Terrified, Spock ran as fast as he could out into the desert, and soon the house was a mere speck on the bloody horizon. The sky bled rain and he shuddered as it sank into his clothes. _

_He climbed the huge rock formations in front of him, too terrified to notice that they were chunks of flesh instead of rock. Suddenly thirsty and dizzy, he bent down and scooped the water into his hands, only to discover that it was blood. _

_Sickened, he scrambled to his feet and continued running, tripping over a body as he did so. _

_He sat up and saw that what he had initially thought to be a stream was actually the life liquid coming from the body in front of him. Huge volumes of it swirled around the carcass, soaking it and staining it. _

_Gently he turned the body over, surprised to see that it was Amanda. _

"_Mother?" He shook her desperately, unaware that his face showed his fear. There was no pulse. "Mother?"_

_Her eyes flickered quickly under half closed and slightly rotting lids. Now that he looked closely, he noticed that one socket was shrunken, they eyeball missing. _

_She fixed her dead gaze on him and opened her half decayed mouth. Spock stared at her in confusion, remembering Earth tales of the undead. _

"_You bit me," she accused him, pulling back her ragged blond hair and showing him the livid bite marks._

_The sky turned a thunderous grey and he felt the ground swaying beneath him. "No…"_

"_You bit me," she insisted relentlessly. "You wouldn't stop. You drank my blood… see?" She cupped her hands together and lifted part of the stream to his lips. _

_He spat out the sickly liquid and lurched to his feet. "No…" He glanced down and saw that his mother had disappeared, leaving nothing but bones and a skull. _

_People appeared on the edges of the river, on the opposite side to him. They were all pale with marks on their necks, and were swaying to the steady beat of drums. His parents, Sybok, everyone he knew… they were all there. _

_He searched for the source of the drumming and found it. The drum was papery skin stretched taught over numerous bones. Small heads of animals were used as drumsticks. _

"_Drink!" They chanted as one. _

_He shook his head, unable to speak through the tense muscles of his vocal cords. _

_The banging of the drums became more urgent. Someone began shaking skulls, and the teeth rattled around inside them like some perverse form of maracas. "We sacrificed our blood for you. Drink it."_

_The drums and rattling became louder and Spock covered his ears, attempting to block out the noise. _

"_Drink it!"_

_They began closing in on him from all sides, their sightless eyes fixed on him and their dead mouths hanging open gormlessly. _

"_Drink it! Drink!"_

Gasping for breath and sweating profusely, he sat bolt upright in bed, relieved to find himself back in his new quarters. When the banging from his dream continued he looked around the room in alarm before realizing that the noise came from the door. He staggered out of bed, flattened his uncharacteristically wild hair, and opened it.

Ettikah stood in the doorway with one arm raised in mid knock. "Your parents are outside." She frowned and then looked at him more closely, concern written all over her face. "Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Spock had to work hard to suppress the violent urge to shudder. "I am quite well." He didn't sound convincing even to his own ears.

She let the matter drop although she clearly didn't believe him. "Are you ready to see them?"

He looked down at himself and straightened his clothes. "I believe I am."

"Then let's go." She led him back to the entrance and they stepped outside into the cool evening breeze.

"Spock!" Amanda looked as though she wanted to throw her arms around him and never let go, although they had only been separated for a few hours. "What's wrong?" she asked, noticing his appearance.

He raised his eyebrows. "There is nothing 'wrong', mother."

Like Ettikah, her eyes narrowed but she did not comment, knowing better than to try to argue with him. She held up a suitcase. "We brought you this."

Taking his case from her, he dipped his head in thanks, his eyes darting back to her neck and hair, which were mercifully clean. The wind suddenly hurled itself at him and he stiffened at the delicious smell of his mother's blood. His mouth twitch involuntarily to reveal his now pointed teeth.

"We must leave," Sarek announced, noticing his son's dilemma.

"Bye Spock." Amanda moved to embrace him, but stepped back as his mouth opened with a will of its own and he moved forwards hungrily. She walked away reluctantly and he forced himself not to attack her as her back was turned.

He contemplated the floor in shame. His own mother was frightened of what he had become, and his father thought he was dangerous.

Ettikah placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You'll be with them soon."

"I will always be a danger to them."

"I'll do my best to teach you self control, Spock. I promise," she said fiercly.

He nodded in dubious thanks and returned to his quarters to begin the painful process of unpacking.


	6. Chapter 6

_A helping hand from the darkness_

_Kind words whispered from the gloom_

_But neither was enough_

"I wish we'd never come here," Amanda muttered miserably.

"It was unavoidable."

"For you maybe, but for me and Spock…" she shook her head sadly. "I was a fool to bring him here."

"Amanda, you had no way of knowing of this. There is no logical reason for you to blame yourself."

"I know, but I can't stop blaming myself anyway." Tears appeared in her eyes. "When I think of all he's going through…"

Sarek gently lifted her face so that she could look into her eyes. It was a human gesture, not one that he did much, even in private. "He will manage. He has the guidance of many experienced natives."

She nodded sadly. "Even so, he might never go back to Vulcan."

Sarek placed his fingers to hers and whispered gently, "The future is uncertain. If Spock is sufficiently determined, he will succeed."

Amanda sighed and gazed out the window at the caves where her son was staying. "I hope your right."

Sarek's mouth twitched. "I usually am."

She gave him a watery smile, somewhat comforted by her husband's confident words. But despite his reassurances, she could not help but wonder if this would be one time that her husband was wrong.

"I must leave; I have a meeting to attend."

Amanda nodded, knowing that she would be unable to persuade him to stay. She stepped back, already missing the feel of his fingers against hers. "Be back soon."

He paused in the doorway and looked back at her, his eyes belaying the concern that his face would never show. "I will."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The water lapped at his feet as he stood on the water's edge in the cave of the underground spring. Ettikah stood at his elbow encouragingly. Together they walked in, Spock bracing himself for the frigid cold that did not come. Instead he felt the warm liquid splashing around his waist as he stood on the smooth stone floor.

"I'll teach you how to float first. That way when you learn to swim you can rest if you get tired."

"Logical."

She grinned. "Alright, I'll show you how to do it." Leaning back, she lowered herself into the water gracefully. "Try to keep your body near the surface, and keep looking at the ceiling otherwise you'll sink." She stood up again. "Your turn."

He swallowed slightly and lowered himself gingerly into the water. He tried to copy what she had done, but he was suddenly aware of the surrounding water, and instinctively tensed. He began to go under but managed to place his feet on the ground and stood up, water streaming out of his hair and down his chest.

"Try again," Ettikah encouraged him. "I'll put my arms under your back to keep you afloat until you get it right."

Obediently, he lay back, feeling the water flow over his shoulders and up to his neck. Again he tensed and would have sunk had Ettikah not been helping him.

"Try to relax; it'll be easier."

He tried but the instinctive urge to get out of the water was too strong. "I cannot."

"Alright, concentrate on something else; talk to me."

"What do you wish to discuss?"

"Well… I've asked you a lot about your planet already… so do you want to hear about mine?"

He nodded, swirling water around him. "That would prove interesting."

"I'll talk about my family first, if that's ok?"

"Of course."

He could practically hear the smile in her voice as she began talking. "Well… I have a brother named Mortekai. He's always been a real prankster."

"Indeed?"

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I still remember that time he put a dead mouse in my teacher's handbag."

His eyebrows rose surprisingly fast. "Why would he do such a thing?"

"The teacher was really strict." The water rippled as she shrugged. "She always gave him detentions when he hadn't done anything."

"I see. How did the teacher react?"

She laughed. "She screamed and threw her handbag in the air."

"I fail to see the humour in her reaction."

She giggled again, no doubt reliving the moment. "It was more the fact that it got stuck on the overhead fan. She was jumping up and down trying to get it back."

He raised an eyebrow. "Highly illogical. It would have been far more practical to disable the fan."

"Everyone else knew that, but our teacher wasn't exactly the most sensible person on the planet."

"That much is obvious," he remarked dryly.

"It was one of Mortekai's first pranks; they got even more ingenious after that."

"Interesting. Did he not have a more practical outlet for his… talents?"

"Well, he _did_ work in a joke shop part time for a while. Unfortunately he got fired."

Spock's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "May I enquire as to how?"

"He was asked to replace a faulty tap, but mistook a fake tap for the real one and that led to accidentally flooding the shop." She laughed, the silvery sound echoing off the cave walls.

"I understand why he is no longer employed there."

"He got his revenge by opening up his old shop, which did better than the one he was fired from."

"Ironic."

"I know." The conversation died down once again before Ettikah's excited voice pierced the silence. "Spock, you're floating!" He promptly sank and resurfaced coughing. "Sorry."

He raised an eyebrow at her and they climbed out of the water. Once they had dried off and were fully clothed, Ettikah swung her bag over her shoulder and produced some of the local money.

"Do you want to go to the market for some food? I have enough money for both of us."

"Affirmative."

The market was teeming with people and the level of noise was high. Everywhere there were various alien foods that looked strange to Spock, who had seen little of the planet's cuisine.

"What would you like?"

"I am inexperienced at identifying your planet's fruit."

"Oh, right. I'll pick something for you then."

She bought two pieces of fruit, and Spock eyed them with a confused expression on his face.

"What?"

"I was under the impression that we consume blood."

"Oh, there's blood in this." She unscrewed the top to reveal what was inside. "We just store it in hollowed out fruit."

"Fascinating."

"It looks a lot more appetizing than simply drinking blood from the actual animal," she said defensively.

"What is the use of this?" He pointed at the fruit.

"Apart from holding the blood you mean? We feed it to some of the animals or plants that live nearby."

"The plants consume fruit?"

"Some of them, yes."

"Interesting. I will have to study this."

He moved to go further down the caves, where he knew that other people ate, but Ettikah moved in the opposite direction. "This way. I know a great spot outside."

She led him out of the front entrance and across a hill that he had not yet explored. He was surprised that he could see in the dark so easily. They came to a stop under a tree, and she leaned against the trunk, sipping her drink. Spock shuddered at the thought of consuming his own food. Not noticing his lapse in control, Ettikah motioned for him to sit next to her.

The stars were strewn haphazardly across the sky, accompanying the other two moons in their silent vigil over the planet as it slept. A few creatures flew in the air lazily, occasionally diving to the ground as they spotted prey.

Spock gazed at the stars, occasionally imagining that one of the blinking lights was a Star Ship cruising past on an exploration mission. He yearned with his whole being to be aboard one of those ships, and his heart ached when he reminded himself that it was now likely to be impossible.

The fact that he drank blood now would mean that he would be a constant threat to other people aboard the ship, and Kesarah did not posess any exploration ships themselves suitable for what he wanted to do. His dream could only be achieved in Star Fleet.

The possibilities of alien life fascinated him, and he wanted more than anything to observe it first hand. Science Officer aboard a ship in the Fleet would be perfect. He was entranced with alien planets such as this one, and the thought of a career devoted to exploring them was just too tempting to ignore.

"Spock, what are you thinking?" Ettikah turned to face him and he noticed that her features were positively radiant in the moonlight, and a gentle breeze ruffled her hair affectionately.

"The possibilities of new life," he replied truthfully, before he could stop himself. He had never spoken of this aside from Sybok, and he had known Ettikah for only a few days.

"Me too. What I'd give to see the stars…" her voice was dreamy as her eyes stared fixatedly at a vision that only she could see. "Have you ever wanted to explore the galaxy?"

Despite the fact that he did not know her, he could trust her already. "Yes. I have considered it."

"I hear that once our planet has joined the Federation, we will be allowed to serve aboard your ships."

"As cave-dwellers we would pose a threat to the crew. I believe that we would be restricted to Kesarahn ships."

"No, not if we're determined enough. Do you know the names of any ships?"

He nodded. "The Enterprise has just been completed. The facilities aboard are rumored to be excellent."

"The Enterprise," she repeated dreamily. "I think we can make it." Her voice had a note of such sure conviction that he did not argue. "We can make it, Spock." She repeated the words as though she were trying to convince herself of its truth. Deep down, he did not think that she believed what she said.

Ettikah glanced pointedly at his drink. "Aren't you going to drink it?"

Spock placed the drink on the ground, disgusted by the very sight of it. "No."

"I understand. I was the same, but it's animal blood, not humanoid."

"All life is sacred, its appearance is irrelevant."

She looked concerned, and her voice became gentle, cajoling. "I know how you feel, but it's the only way you'll survive. You need to get used to the idea." He didn't answer, and she sighed. "Do you want to know how I became a blood drinker?"

"I assumed that you were born one."

She shook her head. "Nobody was. It all began centuries ago; someone contracted a disease that changed the way they acted. They infected others and the group was exiled. Eventually, they adapted to drinking animal blood, making the civilization we have today. New additions to the population are accidental; attacks that could not be stopped. No cure has been found." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't remember exactly what happened to me, but apparently I was walking home when I was attacked. Mattiq rescued me."

"I apologize-"

She cut him off. "Don't; I've accepted my fate."

"Your fate?"

"Once we have transformed, it is difficult to die. Only combat with another cave-dweller can kill us as far as we know; defeating us requires great strength, and no one else on the planet has it. The first blood drinkers of centuries ago are still alive."

"There is only one way?"

She nodded. "I know what you're thinking, but you won't be able to get anyone else to fight you. Despite what we are, we try our best to survive. Everyone tries to help the search for a cure in the hope that we can return to normal."

Spock did not answer; consumed by the knowledge that there was no way to end this nightmare. Ettikah continued with her story.

"My brother Mortekai heard what happened to me. He managed to provoke a cave-dweller into biting him, so that he could be with me. The rest of my family was so ashamed by us that they never spoke to us again. They died fifty years ago." She abruptly changed the subject so that she could talk of something less painful. "I'll introduce you to him one day."

They sat in silence for a while, neither noticing the time fly by until the first rays of sunshine crawled warily over the horizon.

Ettikah yawned. "It's getting early." She laughed at his expression. "You better get used to phrases like that. We're nocturnal, remember?"

"I believe that it would be difficult for me to forget."

Laughing, she ducked back into the main cave which was emptying rapidly. They reached their separate quarters and stood at their respective doorways, allowing the tired people to drift by.

"Tomorrow, I'll show you my school work so that you can get up to speed with planet history and customs."

"That should prove interesting."

Grinning, she opened the door. "See you tomorrow evening." She disappeared inside.

Spock undressed and clambered into his bed, falling asleep almost instantly.


	7. Chapter 7

_Keep holding on_

_I'm here for you always_

_to rectify my mistake_

Sarek walked into the office that belonged to Ambassador Dakino. The foreign Ambassador emerged from behind his luxurious desk and stood awkwardly before the Vulcan.

"You wished to meet with me?"

Dakino shuffled nervously, as though he was about to say something difficult. "Yes."

He allowed several seconds to pass before speaking in irritation. "What did you wish to discuss?"

Dakino sighed and then decided to bite the bullet and speak. His words flowed past his lips so fast that a human could never have understood. Even with his superior hearing, Sarek found it difficult to understand him.

"On behalf of Kesarah, I apologize for the attack on your son."

"Indeed?" Sarek's whole demeanor turned absolutely glacial. "An apology would not be necessary had a warning been issued."

Dakino shuffled under the Vulcan's scrutiny. He seemed genuinely repentant of the mistake. "Visitors will be warned in the future. Please believe me when I say that we did not withhold information intentionally. Our people have become accustomed to not speaking of the non-reformers."

Sarek found, to his surprise, that he could understand the reason behind this. On Vulcan, revolutionaries who refused logic and sought emotion instead were not spoken of either. Yet they had never led to an accident as these non reformers had.

"While I understand the reasoning behind this, Ambassador, I believe that your decision regarding warnings was in error. Your inaction may have led to the death of my son."

The Ambassador nodded morosely. "We are shamed by our oversight. We will do anything necessary to ensure that your son adjusts."

"If my son had been an ordinary civilian and not the son of the Vulcan Ambassador, your promises would not be made."

Dakino actually looked insulted by Sarek's accusations. "Anyone else in your son's position would be treated the same. Everyone who suffers an attack receives the same aid."

"I apologize. My comment was unacceptable."

Dakino waved his hand in dismissal. "Under the circumstances Ambassador, it was understandable. I fear that our planet will not be able to apologize enough."

"Kadiith. What is, is. The past cannot be changed; it is illogical to regret what has happened now that it has occurred, although it could have been prevented."

For a moment the Ambassador seemed to struggle with himself before speaking again. "I regret having to speak of this now, but we are anxious about the negotiations."

Sarek forced himself not to snap back at the man about the relative unimportance of this compared to the non-reformer issue. "The negotiations will proceed as planned."

The foreign Ambassador looked relatively reassured. "Good. Hopefully there will be no more disasters."

The sarcastic humor flew completely over Sarek's head. "If you keep to your current method, I have no doubt that disasters will be frequent."

With that last acidic remark, he stalked out of the office, leaving Dakino staring after him morosely.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_He poured a jug of water into his cup, only to drop it in surprise when he noticed that it was in fact blood; the stained and broken cup lay scattered in several pieces at his feet. _

_Repulsed, he tried a carton of juice instead, only to get the same result. In the last jug that he tried, the blood continued flowing until he was awash in a sea of it. _

_The current pushed and pulled him as he fought to keep his head above the liquid, his lungs screaming for air. His arms flailed uselessly as his legs became entangled in an underwater plant. _

_He was unable to break free and realized that he must dive down to free his legs if he wanted to avoid drowning. Taking a deep breath and erecting unbreakable control over his emotions, he dived._

_Blood seeped into his ears and up his nose, and pressed against his closed lips in an effort to flow into his throat. Struggling not to gag at the feel of it, he managed to finally reach the thing that had captured his legs. _

_He almost swallowed vast amounts of water as his hands came into contact with what felt like hair. He managed to free his legs but was forced to carry the object in his hands to the surface, unable to hold his breath long enough to disentangle himself. _

_Gasping, he emerged, his vision obscured by the sticky mess that surrounded him. With a sharp snapping tug, the hair entwined with his fingers broke free of the river bed and bobbed to the surface, a dead head attached to the end. _

_Jerking himself free of it with a cry, he was alarmed to find himself heading towards a gigantic drop where the blood flowed continuously over the edge. _

_Desperate now, he grabbed at something that appeared to be a rock, leaning on it and allowing the congealing current to flow past. Exhausted, he moved to lay his head on the hard surface, only for his mouth to come into contact with something soft and warm. _

_He breathed in reflexively and gasped as sickly sweet life blood trickled into his throat. He pulled himself away and gazed into the eyes of his mother._

_His dead mother. He was filled with all of her blood. _

"_No!" He gasped over and over again, coming perilously close to hyperventilating. _

"_Spock?" His mother's corpse whispered grotesquely, turning towards him. "Why? How could you?"_

"_No… I didn't-" he fell to his knees, only to be yanked upright by his enraged father. _

"_You have failed. You are no longer a Vulcan- and no longer my son." He was flung away in disgust, landing on sharp stones._

_Laughing faces of his peers circled around him like birds of prey, while his father loomed over him, scrutinizing him in intense disappointment, disgust in every movement. _

"_You have failed," Sarek sneered. "You are unfit to be my son. You have lost your Vulcan control."_

The words echoed within his skull and for the second time since his arrival in the caves, he sat bolt upright in bed, gasping as though he had just run a marathon.

Unable now to sleep, he stood and made his way to the cave opening.

The light streamed in from where the sun hung majestically in the sky, at a point almost directly above his head. Covering his eyes against the glare, he moved to sit on a rock near the tree under which he had talked with Ettikah. Surprised, he now saw that his mother occupied the space, fiddling nervously with the lush green grass.

For a while he simply stood out of her sight, the nightmares rooting him to the spot. Although she had her normal rosy colour in her cheeks and her eyes were alert, he could not help but remember her hollow, wasted eyes that seemed to look straight through him.

A bird called to its mate from the sky, and Amanda's head jerked upwards, as though she had slipped into deep thought without meaning to and was now being brought back to the present. Placing a hand to her forehead and casting her face in shadow, she looked up at the birds, watching them as they chirped with each other and flew in some form of dance, coming close but never actually touching each other.

She lowered her gaze once again and stared out at the glittering sea which looked inviting in this baking hot sun. a soft humming sound reached Spock's ears, which he soon realized originated from his mother's lips.

The melody was soft and melancholic, barely audible even to him, but began to rise in pitch. Soon the tune was replaced by words and his mother's hands stroked the grass in time with the music in her head. The lyrics were sorrowful, sung in an ancient Earth language that he did not recognize.

Suddenly, her gaze still fixed on the horizon, Amanda's singing ceased and a single tear leaked from the corner of her eye.

Completely ignoring the warning against visiting people in his condition, he walked forward softly.

Although he could not speak of it aloud, his heart ached in his side with the knowledge that she was likely blaming herself for his accident. An accident which could have been prevented, had he not given in to his overwhelming sense of curiosity. He could not bear the thought of his mother torturing herself over something that was his fault. He had never blamed her, having no reason to, but he knew without a doubt that she blamed herself.

His shadow fell across her hand and she looked up quickly. "I didn't know you were awake." Her voice was thick with depression, and she made no attempt to hide it.

"I do not require rest."

She nodded and bit her lip, seeming to wage an inner war within the confines of her own mind.

"What is troubling you?" The question sounded awkward coming from his lips. He did not indulge in emotional conversation, but he could see that his mother clearly needed to talk to him. The human within him understood, even if the Vulcan did not.

"I was waiting until sunset. I needed to talk to you." She sounded reluctant to talk of it at all.

He did not wish to have this conversation, and had little experience in similar situations. His mother would call them 'heart to hearts'- something that he had never fully understood until now.

"I am… willing to talk now."

She smiled slightly at his awkwardness, grateful for the effort that he was making in order to console her. "I wanted to apologize."

"That is illogical; you have no reason to."

She sighed, as though she had carefully planned the conversation and had expected this response and didn't like it. "I thought you'd say that, but just humor me. If I had not brought you here, this would never have happened."

"You seem to neglect the fact that it was I who opened the trapdoor, and that I had the option of refusing to come on this voyage."

"I still told you about the planet. You wouldn't have known about it otherwise."

"I would have been informed by Sarek when he left for negotiations."

"You're not going to let me apologize are you?" She sounded bitterly amused by his stubbornness.

He inclined his head in confirmation. "As I stated earlier, your efforts at apology are illogical."

The humor disappeared and she gazed back at the sea, sighing softly. "I wish I'd had a chance to teach you to swim. I think you'd enjoy it."

"I am learning," he said softly, his mind drifting to memories that seemed so distant and yet so close.

"Who's teaching you?"

"Ettikah. She is a proficient teacher."

Amanda nodded absently. "Good, good." She turned to him suddenly, a smile appearing on her face. "You two are getting along well."

"We have mutual interests." He was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the way this discussion was going.

"What 'mutual interest' would they be, then?" Her tone had become playfully teasing.

"Science and foreign culture."

"That's good then. I've known you to talk all day about them when you've wanted to. It gives you a chance to get to know her better."

Spock's eyebrow rose in reply to her joking comment, a habit that he had inherited from Sarek. "I do not need to remind you that conversing for such an extended length of time is highly improbable."

"But not completely impossible."

"Nevertheless, the odds are 3661.4 to one that such an event could occur."

Her eyes danced with laughter although her mouth remained still. "You're starting to sound just like Sarek."

"That is unsurprising."

"To think that you're still a child, but already quote odds when you're given half a chance."

He became indignant at the reference to his age. "I am no longer a child."

"I was just joking, Spock."

"Indeed?"

"I know, I do that too much," she agreed ruefully.

"I could not fail to notice," he replied dryly, relieved to see that she had cheered up slightly.

They sat for several minutes, simply allowing the world to go by. Spock began to feel a strange sensation within him, as though he was being set on fire from the inside.

He frowned in confusion; this had not happened on the walk back from the hospital, but then the walk had lasted a shorter amount of time than his conversation with Amanda had.

He shifted on his feet uncomfortably, wary of sitting next to his mother since he was still hyper aware of her scent. Even from here, he could smell her blood and sense the heart pumping in her chest.

It took all of his self control to stay away from her, and his entire body was rigid with tension.

Amanda glanced around at his movement, her eyes becoming concerned. "Are you alright? You look like you're in pain."

The world was beginning to swim around him. "I am functional." A roaring filled his ears so that he missed Amanda's next words. Confused, he shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but instead got slapped in the face by the ground.

The sun glared down upon him, frying him from the inside out. He felt armed close around his shoulders and opened his eyes, squinting into his mother's concerned face.

She said something, but he did not answer, distracted by the pulse that he could see just below the skin of her neck. Normally he would be able to resist it, but in his current state he was unable to.

Licking his lips hungrily, he bared his teeth, a low savage noise coming from his throat. Dimly, he was aware that he was about to attack his own mother, but he could not help himself. All conscious thought fled.

His hand shot out and grabbed her shoulder. In one fluid motion he had pinned her to the floor.

She struggled helplessly and seemed to be pleading, uttering his name in a frenzy that he had never heard from her before. He marveled at his newly gained strength and speed. He loved it.

He sank his fangs into her neck, delighting at the way that the pulse jumped erratically. Suddenly thirsty, he slurped noiselessly, the warm blood gushing into his stomach and soothing his tortured soul.

The woman's mouth opened in a scream but he barely heard; his mind far away. From a distance he could hear footsteps coming towards them, and looked up to see a figure before him, a look of thunderstruck horror on their face.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A shout of alarm drifted towards her through the thick fog of her dream, and she found herself reluctantly surfacing to the land of the awake. She heard the sound of heavy footsteps and realized that the commotion came from Spock's room.

Concerned, she pulled on some clothes on top of her pajamas and exited her room, looking around just in time to see a glimpse of him disappearing down a corridor. He was almost running.

She had guessed the day before that he was having nightmares when she saw him appear at his door. He had looked completely disheveled; his eyes had been wide and haunted by his own inner ghosts.

Unsure of the route that he had taken in this vast network of tunnels, she wandered aimlessly, hoping to see him somewhere. The corridors were empty and the whole place was eerily quiet. She stepped lightly, fully aware that she might wake the others.

The first place that she checked was the food hall, in case he had searched for a quiet and familiar place to calm down. The door slid open and she peered in slowly, suddenly worried about whether she was intruding.

While she had known him for only a short space of time, she had already realized that although he limited the amount of emotion he showed, he enjoyed her company. Others had mentioned that he appeared to be too much of a recluse to be friendly and likeable, but she didn't understand where they drew their conclusions from.

She saw him for who he was underneath the logical and aloof exterior, even if no one else could. She saw the lonely boy with awkward social skills that came as a result of isolation. Although she did not understand why this was the case, she had faith that eventually he would trust her enough to explain it.

Their friendship had been forged quickly and it was like nothing she had ever experienced before, in all her 115 years. Of course, she had had close friends, all of whom had died long ago, but she and Spock seemed to share a special bond. They just went together, and she found herself wanting to be with him constantly.

The room was empty, and Ettikah searched it three times before moving on to the underground spring, thinking that it would be the idea place to come for comfort.

The water was dark, and no shapes penetrated the surface, nor did they lurk beneath it. The atmosphere was warm and calming, reminding her of a summer's day. It suddenly occurred to her that he might be outside, and she cursed mutely.

Although they could technically travel in the sunshine, the journey had to be brief, no further than the hospital, because of the heat. The heat affected them negatively, and was something that no one really understood, nor could they explain using science. It was a mystery, just like how they came to be blood drinkers originally.

It was rumored that those who ventured into the sunlight for extended periods of time began to feel immense pain, as though they were being fried or burned. While this weakened them initially, it also caused them to lose their inhibitions, and in the presence of blood the results could be disastrous.

Blood gave them their strength, and in this weak state, the craving intensified until it was almost impossible to ignore. Not many had experienced this and retained their sanity in order to tell the tale.

A blood curdling scream echoed off the walls, and she recognised it as the voice of Spock's mother. Now terrified, she pounded through the corridors, skidding on the smooth floors and tripping over concealed objects.

She reached the cave entrance and was greeted by the very thing that she feared.


	8. Chapter 8

_I thought I could trust myself_

_but the realisation that I was wrong_

_Came too late_

Spock snarled at Ettikah as she stood frozen in the doorway, shocked into speechlessness by the sight before her. Keeping a wary eye on the girl, he turned back to his victim, yearning to taste the sweet tang of iron based blood once more.

A hand closed around his throat and dragged him away from the body. Screaming and kicking, he bit the fingers, leaving smears of blood on the pearly white skin. The hold loosened, and he reached up and clutched the hands, pulling and lifting for all his might. He was rewarded with the sight of a female hurtling over his shoulder and landing heavily on the half dead woman.

The attacker sprung to their feet with surprising agility and lunged at him, aiming to pin him to the floor. They were screaming something at him but he could not hear over the roaring in his ears. She gave up yelling at him and instead slapped him across the face.

Some of the madness faded briefly, but when he glanced at the blood and smelt its intoxicating aroma, he again lost all conscious thought.

He lunged for his meal once again, but the girl threw herself into his path. He growled, infuriated that she would dare get between him and his food.

She did not move as he had expected, but remained in the way; her face frightened and yet determined, her posture indicating that she was ready for battle.

She raised her hands in what was clearly supposed to be a calming gesture and, looking him in the eye, began speaking to him. Her voice was calm and strong although there was a hint of fear, and only served to annoy him further.

He back handed her viciously and although she swayed and flinched, she did not yield her ground. Her eyes looked lost as he prowled closer, but her stance remained strong.

As a last resort she threw herself onto him, hurling them both to the ground. Yelling for help, she tried to pin him there, but he wriggled his legs free and kicked her.

He leapt to his feet and advanced on her, not caring that she was still lying on the ground. He proceeded to attack her; again and again he hit her until her eyes closed and her head lolled at an odd angle upon her neck.

Her neck snapped, and her movements ceased.

He stood up and strode away from the dead body, getting in position to drink the blood of his earlier victim. There were more shouts and several people grabbed at him, forcing him to his feet. They carried him screaming and struggling for blood, then locked him below ground.

For a while he prowled in the abrupt darkness while his senses came back to him, and he realized what it was exactly that had happened.

He had killed them. His mother and Ettikah were dead.

The trapdoor was opened and he was handed a cup of blood. When he refused to drink, it was forced down his throat.

"We want you lucid. Your mother has been asking for you."

"My mother…" she was still alive. He did not dare relief to flood through his body; knowing that the grim expressions of those around him were there for a reason.

Wordlessly, they led him back outside and other natives guarded him closely.

His mother lay flat on her back, her head elevated by a blanked that someone had provided. Her shirt was soaked crimson and her skin was snowy white. As he got closer, Spock noticed that she barely breathed and hardly even flinched as a local medic desperately tried to stop the blood flow.

She failed to move her head and her chest made a wheezing sound, as though she was laughing at some last inner joke.

"Why has she not been taken to the hospital?" Spock demanded, trying to ignore the scent of blood. Dimly, he was aware of the broken body of Ettikah behind him.

"There's no way we could get her there on time." Mattiq was the one who spoke. He looked distraught by the death of Ettikah, although he was doing his best to focus on the current situation. He placed a hand on Spock's shoulder. "I'm sorry son."

Spock barely heard him as he freed himself from the old man's grip and knelt by his mother's side. He could still feel a burning sensation in his body, and it was a constant struggle to stop himself falling into the dark madness that beckoned. At the back of his mind, he remembered Ettikah mentioning that few experienced what he had, without going permanently mad. At this stage, insanity would be a relief; yet it remained constantly out of his reach.

Amanda's eyes fluttered open and she coughed weakly. "Spock…" she croaked.

Her hand twitched, and Spock clutched it warily. "I…" he couldn't find any words.

"I know; I don't blame you for this." She coughed and drew a wheezing breath, wincing slightly in pain. "Don't you dare blame yourself."

"I should have stayed away." He was cursing himself to damnation for being such a fool. "Ettikah… she tried to stop me."

A tear leaked from the corners of her eyes. "Don't, Spock. You couldn't help it." She finally managed to turn her head weakly. "Sarek?"

Spock followed her gaze and saw his father sprinting towards them. He had never seen the older Vulcan run so fast.

Sarek dropped to his knees next to Spock. "Amanda…" he glanced at Spock in accusation, and the younger Vulcan averted his gaze in shame.

"Listen to me; both of you." Her voice was fading fast. "You won't grieve for me; carry on as normal."

"Amanda, you cannot-"

"Sarek, you have to. I won't let you die because of me, and Spock needs you." Her eyes flickered to Spock, who was alarmed to see that they were dim. "You need each other. Be there for Sarek." She glanced between them again. "Promise me, both of you."

Sarek and Spock exchanged glances before speaking simultaneously. "I will."

She smiled; a poor imitation of her normal radiant expression. "I love you both… so much…"

Her chest slowed and her eyes closed.

The medic who had been working frantically to save her sat back, his expression unreadable. He was the same man who had carried Spock away from Batiiw. "I'm sorry." He walked away dejectedly.

Spock still clutched Amanda's hand while staring at her peaceful face. Despite his last promise to her, he could not help but blame himself. For once in his life, he neither noticed nor cared as a tear made its way down his cheek, closely followed by another one.

Sarek stood and turned away, staring into the sunset as Amanda's consciousness deserted the marriage bond. He did not turn around as Spock was led away and the trap door was slammed in his face.


	9. Chapter 9

_My world shattered in two_

_And I wish_

_With all my heart_

_I could turn back the clock_

_**Two weeks later**_

The trap door opened and Spock watched disinterestedly as a figure shrouded in shadow clambered down the ladder.

Since the deaths of both his mother and of Ettikah, he had barely eaten or slept, being plagued by nightmares that haunted him every time he lifted a drink to his lips.

He had been hidden away here since that fateful day, his only company being his tutors who were lecturing him in the ways of the cave-dwellers.

Although he was no longer dangerous and could now mingle with normal people if he wanted, he refused and remained in his self made prison.

His father had not yet spoken to him.

A cup was shoved under his nose, and he followed the arm until the person's face came into view.

"Your tutors informed me that you are not consuming anything."

Spock returned his attention to the ceiling and shifted slightly on his bed. "I do not require sustenance."

"That is untrue," the voice accused. "Spock, I made an oath to Amanda. I must be certain that you drink."

Spock resisted the urge to shout at the Vulcan before him. "You only wish to do so to satisfy your conscience."

"You dare accuse me of such a thing?"

"I do not accuse. I state fact."

To his surprise, Sarek jerked him into a sitting position, his eyes burning. "You are sorely mistaken. You are my son."

Spock pointedly removed himself from his grasp. "You are being unnecessarily emotional, Father."

"The cause is sufficient. You suggested I feel apathy to your wellbeing."

"Does Sybok know about this?"

Sarek stiffened at the mention of his revolutionary son. "Yes, he is informed."

"You have not spoken to me in two point one weeks."

"You have remained here," Sarek countered.

"Visitation was not impossible."

"I… required time for meditation. It took longer than I anticipated."

"You blame me for the death of mother."

There was a damning silence.

"This is not the moment for accusations."

"Nevertheless, it is true."

Sarek's voice was cold once more. "Spock, you behave illogically. You are a Vulcan, and as such-"

"I am no longer a Vulcan. I was transformed."

"You had the upbringing of a Vulcan."

Spock resisted the irritation rising within him. "It does not make me one."

There was a pause, and then Sarek changed the subject of conversation. "Your tutors inform me that you are able to return home if you wish."

"I know. I do not yet know what my future intentions are."

"The shuttle leaves at 1300 tomorrow."

"I will consider it."

Sarek nodded. "Very well." He turned and climbed up the ladder without a backward glance.

The trap door closed softly, and Spock resumed contemplating the wall. How could we ever return to a planet of people filled with tempting blood when he was still new to the concept of blood drinkers? He would have to live with the knowledge that if he lost his self control, someone would die.

Could he do it? He would be knowingly sacrificing the lives of the whole planet. Was his happiness really worth the risk of thousands of unprotected lives?

There was also the matter of what he would do with his future. He had become like Batiiw; he was dangerous, and nothing could ever change that. It had become a fact of nature.

If he returned to his home planet he would be considered even more a freak of nature. He would be scorned and feared by every Vulcan, including his own family. He had seen the way that Sarek had looked at him.

He would be unable to find a place in the Vulcan Science Academy, unless it was as a victim of scientific observation. He would never be accepted as future ambassador to the planet because he was even less Vulcan than he had ever been, and would not represent the people. His life would be made even more unbearable.

Amanda was the only person apart from Sybok who did not treat him as dirt or a failure, but she would no longer be there. His half brother would be, but would he even be able to stand looking at Spock when he knew what he was? Sybok might not be prejudiced, but he would certainly not treat him equally with the knowledge that he had taken life.

The other alternative would be to remain here and try to become a member of the planet. After all, he was one of them now. However, this planet contained too many painful memories that he could not face. The other cave dwellers would never accept him now that he had killed one of their own. He was a criminal, a murderer, and he would be treated as such.

All he wanted to do was run.

He could live here, but alone. Away from anyone else, and wait until he was allowed to serve aboard a Star Ship. That plan too contained a giant flaw. He would be a danger to the crew, and even if he was with shipmates who were like him, he would not be accepted. He was an accident of nature; not fully human, Vulcan or Kesarahn.

He was all of them, and none of them. His mind was disciplined like a Vulcan, but he had human emotions and a Kesarahn body.

Nor could he ever return to Earth, for the same reason that he could never go back to Vulcan. He would be even more dangerous among humans, who did not have the same respect for personal privacy as Vulcans did. They were also much more vocal about their views and would not shroud them in logic. They would torment him, isolate him and he would wander aimlessly.

He had always taken it for granted that he had a future, whatever he chose to do. He was an excellent student who would be sure to get all the top placements. He excelled at trying new things, making him ideal for Star Ship duty and Ambassadorial work. He could have been anything he wanted. It was only now that it was all taken away from him that he realized just how privileged he had been.

Exhausted from lack of sleep and nourishment, he drifted into sleep.

_He was on the Bridge of a brand new Star Ship, scanning through the information on his computer screen. The words moved far faster than the human eye could read, but he had no trouble whatsoever with deciphering the meaning. He was surrounded by brightly coloured buttons, all of them flashing in a soothing pattern. _

_He glanced at a view screen, content to watch the stars whizzing by. Streaks of light remained behind as the stars disappeared from view, making them appear longer than they really were. He found himself lost in the inky darkness of space, his eyes drawn to the nova in front of him. _

_He turned and saw the Captain sitting in his command chair giving orders. Everyone around the Bridge was working hard, each one of them experts in their field. Some of them were young, fresh out the Academy and willing to learn from others. There was a vital energy that seemed to shimmer around each person, and everyone greeted everyone else with ready smiles and conversation. He was accepted here._

_Someone walked over to ask his opinion of something, and he recognised them as Ettikah. Instead of the pain he knew he should feel upon seeing her, he felt only happiness. His heart fluttered as she chattered with him animatedly, the work lying forgotten on a nearby console. _

_She was radiant, her skin glowing under the light of the Bridge, her hair falling past her shoulders. She gestured with a hand and a lock of hair fell in her eyes. His fingers twitched involuntarily as he considered brushing it behind her ear. He said something, and she laughed. _

_They turned to the view screen to see the Vulcan Ambassador and his wife staring back at them. The captain engaged his father in conversation, while Spock drank in the sight of his mother's rosy cheeks, the way her eyes twinkled as she smiled. _

_In the back of his mind, it occurred to him that this was not right, but he didn't care. Everything was finally as it should be…_

_His mother's voice echoed in his ears and he replied "I will". In that instant, he knew. This was what he must do. _

He awoke suddenly, tears in his eyes and his stomach doing back flips as he packed his suitcase, ready to return to Vulcan. He was ready.

The promise must be fulfilled.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The waiting area was empty, despite the hour. Although the locals had warp speed technology, the majority of them preferred to remain on the planet, and not many people within the Federation actually visited, as it was still relatively unheard of.

He had arrived half an hour early and checked in; he couldn't bear to spend any more time than necessary in the family's holiday cottage.

Spock still remained in the caves, and of course it was impossible to see Amanda now that her body had been taken to Vulcan, ready for her funeral. Despite being from Earth, she had always made it clear that she was to be buried on Vulcan, although when Sarek had offered her a place in the hall of Katras she had refused. She had thought that it would be unnatural for a piece of her to remain behind.

Without her and Spock, the cottage had been so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop from several rooms away. Over the past few days, having finished with the negotiations and succeeded in fully persuading Kesarah to become a member of the Federation, he had found himself at a loss of what to do.

Once or twice he had ventured outside and visited the marketplace in the hope that he could find some measure of comfort within a crowd. The plan had proven to be a poor one, because everywhere he had turned within the mass of people, he had expected to see her come striding towards him, her arms raised to show him a new purchase and her delighted smile mirrored in her eyes. She had loved finding bargains and interesting sales, and had forever been bringing things back home to show him when they were on Vulcan.

A selfless person, she had always been finding small things to please everyone in her frequent ventures to the market on Vulcan. She had found joy in watching people unwrapping gifts of being presented with something they admired. She always chose well. Though he had of course considered her gift buying illogical, he had kept every single one of them, always finding a practical use for them.

The market had only served to remind him of her, so he had decided to chance a walk into the valley, dangerous though it may be.

He had found the long climb useful in easing some of the tension within him. Once he had reached the top, he had found some reprieve in examining the countryside that was mapped before him. He had lost himself briefly in the twinkling blue sea line and the pale blue sky that hung above him, but even that had reminded him of her.

Sitting in the waiting room for his shuttle, he once again found himself drifting helplessly on a tide of memories. She had been the first one to take him to the beach and swim with him, and it was one of the better memories that he had of Earth.

_The sun warmed the sand beneath his feet and he dug them deeper into it, enjoying the feel of it between his toes and the warmth it brought. He carried his shoes in one hand and his socks in the other as he walked along the tropical beach with Amanda. _

_The light bounced off of her tightly curled hair and made it appear golden as she turned to face him, her blue eyes dancing in joy as she splashed through the shallow water. A wave broke suddenly against the back of her legs, wetting her below the knees, and she gave a small start of surprise._

_She laughed lightly, the sound flying with the slow gentle breeze and spiraling into his delicately pointed ears. She glanced out to sea, at a small boat on the horizon and a dog that paddled nearby while the owner watched from the shallows, a leash dangling from their fingers. _

"_I never asked if you know how to swim."_

_He turned to face her, one side of his mouth turning upwards in the smallest of half smiles. "I have been taught."_

"_Do you want to swim, then?" _

_Luckily they had brought bathers just in case they did decide to go into the water. "I have never experienced a swim in the sea."_

_Her eyes twinkled mercilessly. "Don't tell me that you're afraid, Sarek."_

_His eyebrows rose in indignation and she grinned. "I am not. I was about to state that it would be a fascinating experience, but I was interrupted."_

_She laughed. "Ouch. Alright, let's go."_

_They changed and began the walk down the beach, their clothes and shoes lying forgotten at the top of the beach. Fearless of the cold, Amanda waded straight in and turned around only when she noticed that she was not being followed. _

"_Are you coming?"_

_He took a deep breath, an uncharacteristically human gesture, and waded in. The water was fairly cold against his desert bred skin, despite the tropical climate, and he barely suppressed a shiver._

_She laughed lightly and lowered herself into the water, doing breast stroke around him in circles and causing the salt water to lap against his waist. She flipped over and floated on her back, staring up at him. Her blond hair had straightened with the weight of the water and fanned out around her head as she floated. _

"_Come on Sarek; it's warm once you're in."_

_He could either stand here and shiver, or he could join her in the water; either way he would be cold. Somehow he did not believe her when she insisted that it was warm. Her expression was too innocent, which usually only meant one thing; she was planning something, but he did not know what. _

_She swam closer slowly, still looking him right in the eye, and then splashed him gently. The cool water trickled down his muscled chest and back into the water, and he regarded her warily. _

"_Sabotage?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. _

_She shook her head. "Persuasion." At his confused look, she explained further, "one you're already wet, you have to get in. It's a rule." _

"_I was unaware of this rule."_

"_It's an unspoken rule. Now get in, mister."_

_He raised an eyebrow and began to walk in slowly, realizing the ominously innocent expression was not gone from her face. He had barely realized that he had walked into a trap when he felt himself dragged into the water, waves splashing around his face but not submerging him. Amanda's silvery laughter echoed in his ears. _

_She was standing above him and watching as he thrashed in the water, still getting used to the cold. _

_As he found himself doing many times in her presence, he indulged in a purely emotional act. He dived under the water and resurfaced almost noiselessly. While she looked around for him, he placed his hands on her slender shoulders, causing her to jump_

_She sighed in relief when she saw that it was him, and an amused smile lit up her eyes. "I see you finally learned how to take revenge for a practical joke."_

"_I had a good teacher."_

_She giggled and began splashing him. He dived to escape from the onslaught and swam in the opposite direction, to find himself staring at her feet on the sandy seabed. He resurfaced to discover that the mischievous glint had disappeared from her eyes to be replaced by a look that he knew well._

_She hooked her hands around his neck and leaned in towards him. Their lips were about to meet when a dog splashed up to them. She turned to look at it, slightly disgruntled, but he could see her annoyance fade away as she saw its innocent eyes gazing back at her and the tale wagging in the water. The dog's owner called to it from the water's edge, looking embarrassed when the dog failed to answer. _

_A ball floated in front of the dog's face, and Amanda threw it back into the shallows, smiling as the dog barked enthusiastically and made its way over to it where it bobbed near the owner, who nodded to Amanda gratefully. _

_Her fingers became entwined with his and together they turned to watch as the sun sank tiredly below the horizon. _

Sarek was jerked out of his reminiscing as he became aware of a presence in front of him. "You came."

Spock nodded and placed his suitcase on the floor next to Sarek's. "I must fulfill my promise." He sat next to his father.

"I am grateful."

"I apologize for my behavior yesterday."

"There is no need, Spock. I understand." He had of course realized that Spock's behavior was a result of recent emotional turmoil, even if Spock himself hadn't. "Will you return to school?"

Spock nodded. "I must complete my education. I believe that I have gained the discipline that is necessary."

"Nevertheless your tutors must be informed of your situation."

"I understand." There was a bleak acceptance in Spock's eyes that had never existed before.

There was an uneasy silence which was soon broken by an announcement in the native language, which was then repeated in standard. "1300 shuttle to Vulcan; now boarding."

Together, father and son picked up their respective suitcases and entered the shuttle craft, mentally preparing themselves for the long and emotional journey to come.


	10. Epilogue

_Now I look at memories of you_

_And wish, with all my heart_

_That I could turn back the time_

On the evening of his eighteenth birthday, Spock sat on his bed and stared at an envelope in his hand. According to tradition, the reply to his application was written on paper, rather than sent in a video message.

He closed his eyes and found himself transported back to that cool evening. The stars twinkled in the sky as he watched them and listened to Ettikah talking. She asked what he was thinking and he told her, without even thinking.

They had known each other only for a short time, yet they were already close enough to be inseparable. He wanted to tell her everything until the sun rose and they were driven back indoors.

In actual fact, he could now go in the sun without the side effects that led to blood lust. He had adapted to the Vulcan desert once again. He had forced himself. He had stayed out in the sun and tied himself down until he was delirious and half dead from the heat. From that point on it had become easier.

He wanted to reach out and touch Ettikah, to whisper in her ear and tell her everything. He wanted with all his being to stop what he knew would happen, but knew that even in the world of dreams it was impossible.

He wanted to show her his life. Nothing had changed, and everything had changed. He was still a drinker of blood, his heart and soul remained in the past, but he still got on with his life. He was slowly becoming accustomed to living out his days away from the women who had meant everything to him. He was on a different planet, he was home. Vulcan, not Kesarah. At times when he looked into the Vulcan deserts, he could see the rolling hills of Kesarah. If his father knew, he would say that it was illogical, but he had caught Sarek gazing at the deserts, deep in thought. The habit was only a few years old.

Once again, he listened to Ettikah as she talked of alien life, and watched her eyes and lips as she spoke. She had been so passionate, so full of hope, that it had influenced him. She had taught him many things during the brief time that he had known her. It had been the most emotional time of his life, and was unlikely to be topped.

She had taught him acceptance, even when the situation could not be accepted. She taught him how to float, but he had never learned how to swim. She had taught him anything was possible if you believed in it enough, but if there was no hope, there was nothing.

She was the walking definition of 'when there's a will, there's a way'. Above all, she had taught him the definition of friendship; something he barely dared believe existed.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. His father had not approved of his decision.

"_No self respecting Vulcan would do such a thing. It is violent."_

"_I am not a Vulcan. I hold little resemblance to your people."_

"_Nevertheless, you choose to follow our traditions and beliefs. The career that you desire goes against those beliefs." His father had been sure that this would dissuade him. _

_It didn't. _

"_I wish to study the unknown."_

"_That is possible at the Vulcan Science Academy."_

_Spock shook his head. "It is my desire to witness the newly discovered first hand."_

"_That can be achieved as an Ambassador."_

_He had given up at that point. "You do not understand. I must do this." He had turned a deaf ear to the rest of Sarek's objections. _

Hands trembling with anticipation, he began to open the envelope. The answer fell into his lap.

He was in. He had just entered Star Fleet, against all odds. The impossible had become possible.

"_If we are determined enough… we can make it, Spock."_

____________________________________________________

Fin.

**Author's note:** Keep your eyes peeled, there might be a sequel (called 'Bridging the gap') coming soon! I don't know how long it'll take, but hopefully you won't have to wait too long for it...


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